OMG

I have four dogs and I'm retarded.

Dog #1 - Jack
Jack desparately needs a nail trim. Jack won't let me touch his feet because when he was young, I cut one of his nails too short and I hurt him. He tried to bite me. Ever tried to hold onto a 45 lb washing machine agitator that is trying to bite you? Ok, I decided it just isn't worth it so I have a special treat for Jack that I picked up at the animal shelter.......no, it's not "THE" shot, I picked up a nice little pre-op sedative for him...hehehe...I'm gonna knock him out and cut his nails!

Dog #2 - Shelby
Shelby thinks he is a cat and a racoon. He hunts small crawling things and sometimes eats them too. He chases the cat over the furniture and makes everything like his own personal jungle gym. He also excels on gathering up all of the dog toys and makes a pile of them on the couch so the other dogs can't get at them. He also has an obession with NOT getting his feet wet...now, this is a bit of a problem right now because it has been raining so much.

Dog #3 - Chip aka Devil Dog
Okay, so Chip isn't really that bad of a dog anymore now that he spends quality time in his own sin bin when we go out. No more chewed furniture, dishes, towels, pillows etc. However, I did learn a difficult lesson...don't place the sin bin under clothes hanging to dry because Chip can pull clothes through the tiny little spaces on the side of the kennel and chew them up. Lesson learned: place the kennel in the middle of the room where he can't reach ANYTHING!!

Dog #4 - Boss...the baby
So, we have had Boss for about five weeks now. When we got him, he was smaller than the cat..maybe four lbs. Boss is now 10 weeks old and weighs about 25 lbs. He is a mean, lean, pooping machine who has discovered the joys of tormenting the cat and the older dogs. He is developing this huge deep bark which he loves to use constantly when playing, and even more so when he is being ignored.

Okay, so when you have FOUR dogs barking, you simply want to hide in a dark space and suck your thumb in the fetal position. Now, I don't mind when the dogs are barking outside at something they are supposed to bark at, but seriously, it just isn't necessary to bark just because you can. We are working at this terrible behaviour, but dogs are like kids...they just won't listen.

Ever played Balls??

What a riot. Ross and I played Balls at our friends, Bruce and Mary's house. Now, playing balls outside can be somewhat dangerous expecially if you aren't looking at what you are doing. Teams of two work best. Balls is a game of skill and mostly luck when there is a small quantity of alcohol involved.

Now, GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!!!

Balls is two drilled out golf balls tied on a length of rope ( O-------O ). You hang onto one ball and carefully swing the two balls towards a plastic frame about four feet high that looks kinda like a ladder that has three rungs. If you are skilled, but more lucky than anything, and managed to get your balls hanging on the rung, you score points. Distracting the other team is allowed.

Swimming Pool Repairs
Well, the time finally arrived to have the warranty work done on our swimming pool.

This work started in the middle of December.

Step 1 involved a Dominican pool expert (LMAO) plumber type guy showing up to assess the situation.

FYI - he speaks almost no English and saying hello doesn't count.

Step 2 involved a jack hammer and our shovel. This guy proceeded to break a hole in our concrete/rock patio and dig a hole down to the pipe work. THERE WAS NO LEAK THERE.

Keep in mind we tried to tell him where the leak was.

Step 3 involved digging up the grass in each location of the water circulation jets around our pool. THERE WAS NO LEAK THERE either. Now my yard looks like land mines have gone off and the dogs (remember the thing about me being retarded) are really loving the piles of dirt (and remember it has been raining quite a bit) and they love the muddy dirt. The cat is loving climbing into the bottoms of these holes which are about two feet deep.

Step 4 involved digging up the lawn checking the line that run from the pool into the pool house. Guess what? He found a small, insignificant leak but to look on the positive side, he finally found something!

Step 5 involved smashing another hole in our patio. No jack hammer this time, just a hammer and a chisel and friggin conrete flying EVERYWHERE! Finally....SUCCESS! He found a major leak where the pipe ran through the pool wall right where we tried to tell him it was leaking. Just like one of your kids...they just don't listen to you.

Safety equipment?? You have got to be kidding me.

Step 6 involved this big hole being broken into the side of the pool. What a soggy slopping wet mess of mushy concrete. So, now all this wet sloppy mess has to be broken out and guess where the bulk of it is landing? In the three feet of water still in the pool. We decided it would probably be a good idea to drain the pool at this point.

Step 7 involved repairing all the holes the land mines made.

Don't get too excited, we were far from done. One major leak found, one yet to be discovered. Only, the non-english speaking dude doesn't understand. So, we have to talk to his boss who is an a**hole to the nth degree.

Step 8 involved digging a trench around the outside of our pool to install a brand new suction line. Now my yard really looks rough. I have rocks, concrete and more crap laying around my yard (now this isn't only the crap from the lean, mean, pooping machines). We went out for a few hours and when we arrived home, the lawn was put back...well sort of. The dude had a few extra pieces of sod, chunks of concrete and rocks left over but he was nice enough to save them for me.....all over the yard!

Step 9 - dude comes back to finish filling the hole in the pool and pick up one or two rocks but not the sod.

Step 10 - I spend approximately two hours crawling on my hands and knees and picking up the mess he left behind.

So, the painting isn't done yet, partly because of the rain, partly because the guy will show up when he is ready to and we have no idea when that will be. We really don't know if the pool leaks are fixed yet.

So, there might be a part 2 to the swimming pool saga. On Christmas Eve, we were invited to a friend's home close to where we live. They have a really pretty water fall beside their pool that runs back to the pool.

I'm getting a water fall.....Ross is going to build me one....he dug up my lawn AGAIN.....lol and I have this great two foot hole at the end of the pool and a pile of dirt! He's assessing the job...I'll report back as it progresses.

We had a very quiet New Years this year. Ross had been fighting a terrible cold for a couple of weeks so we decided it was probably best to stay in. We were treated to the most awesome fireworks display from our deck at midnight.

(Remember the barking dog thing....dog's don't like fireworks)

We couldn't hear ourselves ohhhing and awwwwing over the barking but the fireworks really were spectacular.

That's enough of our continuing saga for now....stay tuned!

OH....OH.....OH!!!!!!!!!!!!! My passion fruit (chinola) finally began to have flowers and fruit....the fruit is ripe when it falls off the vine and lands on the ground. I gathered them up as they ripen, cut them open and was draining out all the juice and freezing it. Once I had enough...I made Passion Fruit Jelly. OMG what a spectacular tasting jelly!

I have to be quick...the lean, mean, pooping machines like passion fruit and the little ********** are pulling the passion fruit off the vines and using them for chew toys!

Merry Christmas

Our annual Christmas letter to our friends and family is now in a new format! I decided to make it our "blog". Sending out Christmas cards in the Dominican is a no-no. We do not have a true mail system here.

To get a complete recap of our past year, please feel free to read my old blogs posted. I'd give you a recap, but that might put you to sleep!! LOL

We want to wish all of our family and friends the very best Christmas and and a very happy New Year. You all know where we hang our hats and if you are going to be in our neck of the woods, give us a holler!

Feliz Navidad!

P.S. Is it to late to be good? I want Santa to arrive on a motoconcho this year that doesn't spew black smoke from the muffler!

Ross and Colleen

One year is complete now!

Well, one year ago, I was sitting in a hotel room in Winfield with our dogs, six suitcases, two laptop cases, two carry on bags and Ross. Shelby was wearing his little plaid sweater because he was SO cold. Now, we are sitting in the tropics...freezing our butts off..It's only 20C and has been raining for over a week now. It is damp and cold at night and we are wearing PANTS...yes, pants and I have a hoodie on!

It is crazy how fast the year has gone.

What have I learned in the past year?

1. Patience
2. Rice is good
3. Puppies will eat anything
4. Dominican drivers are the worst drivers on the face of the earth (yes, worse than Calgary drivers!) There are no real rules of the road here...biggest tires win...ok, that's kinda like Alberta! LOL
5. You can make alot of things with 200 lbs of bananas.
6. Ross is grouchy when he wakes up from a nap
7. Beer is best frosty cold
8. Frogs can lay thousands of eggs in a freshly cleaned pool through the course of a night
9. Puppies will eat anything
10. Laughter is completely necessary
11. Hurricanes are not fun
12. Grass grows quickest when the lawnmower is out of gas
13. Gringos throw some mighty fine potluck dinners
14. Don't light fires when the grass is brown and dry and it's windy
15. Ross can change a lightbulb on a 20' ceiling without a ladder or chair..can you say broom handle, tongs, and rubber gloves?
16. Driving a quad in the rain isn't that bad
17. Puppies will eat anything
18. Four dogs and one cat poop lots

So, you might have noticed I said "four" dogs. Yes, in a blind moment of stupidity, we got another puppy. "Boss" is the newest member of our family. He is a Belgium shepard and is now seven weeks old. Boss is a "man" dog. He is showing very strong personality traits and is going to get some obdience training/guard dog training when he gets older. Since we got him he has almost doubled in size. He loves to play tug-o-war with Jack. He torments the cat endlessly but I think the cat secretly loves it.

The dogs are getting along really well and have accepted Boss into the pack. Here is a favorite pass time:

We are into the "rainy season". In the last week or so we have had at least 12 inches of rain. Ross is waiting for someone to come and fix the leak in our pool so he had drained about half the water out of the pool. He is going to have to re-drain the pool as it is almost full again.

So, what will Year 2 bring? Probably lots of the craziness that Year 1 brought except, we are a little wiser (notice I didn't say older??).

To all our friends in the motherland, ENJOY THE WINTER!!! Keep warm, happy, and healthy!

Another month in Paradise

We are well into month #11!

When we moved to the DR, we thought there would be lots of time for fun, sun and cervesa...were we wrong!

I have a part-time job now. I'm working as a breakfast cook at the Jolly Roger. Great hours, great employers and I am having lots of fun with it. I have never had a job quite like this before and it sure beats sitting at a desk for nine hours a day!

We are busy looking after our two neighbour's yards and pools as well as our own yard and pool. Did you know that frogs can lay thousands of eggs in a very short period of time and the little suckers hatch really quickly? Now, the cat seems to take care of quite a few frogs (we hear them screaming when she kills them - sounds like a small child crying) but clearly the cat isn't doing her job well enough!

I am becoming more and more "Dominicanized" as time passes. My primary mode of transportation now is our quad. I'm ripping around everywhere on it. I can drive for about two weeks back and forth to work on about $10 worth the gas. Can't complain about that. Now, the "winter" rains haven't started yet but I am sure I can figure out how to hold an umbrella when I drive it...I will truly look "Dominican" if I can manage to do that. Either that or I will just wear a black garbage back with holes cut for my head and arms...lol Ross put a little red basket on the front so I can stop on my way home everyday with the few groceries I pick up. I even pick up one of the neighbours and give her a ride into work one day a week as we are going to the same place.

Ross is spending some time at the golf course every week or two. He complains about having to use my golf clubs because his are still in Canada. Now seriously, do we think that is just an excuse for his bad games? LOL In any event, for less than $20, he can golf and have a couple of beer, have a caddy and cart. How can you complain about that?

Devil Dog: Ok, devil dog is STILL chewing. Actually, I have decided that it is separation anxioty. He only seems to eat things when we aren't home. I no longer have any bed linens with out small holes eaten in them. So, if anyone wants to bring us a house warming gift when they visit...we have queen size beds...

The wicker couch must be particularly tasty...

Last night the cat's plastic dish went missing. Not sure were it ended up but no great loss, there wasn't much left of it anyway. I'll probably find little red plastic pieces deposited around the yard when I next do poop duty! That's how we found Ross's brand new white leather golf glove...but we won't talk about that anymore.

And...sigh....the dog pulled the six month old laptop onto the concrete/tile floor...smashed the hard drive. Ok, laptop is working with a new hard drive but I don't think the keyboard will ever be quite the same. Yes, the dog is still alive.....for now.

My middle daughter, Kaylen has been working very, very hard the last year on an excersize and diet plan. She's lost an incredible amount of weight and inches and has recently competed in a fitness competition. She looked wonderful and if you want to see pictures, check out my facebook! She is an inspiration as now my other two daughters (Krista and Hailey) are using the same personal trainer that Kaylen used. I think it would be very cool if all three of them were in the same competition next year in May!

Did you know that Ross is a retired Chippendale dancer? LOL Actually, that was his Hallowe'en costume this year. He sure charmed the ladies...great time was had by all at the Hallowe'en party.

On another note: CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS ARE NOW IN THE STORES HERE. I thought it was just North America that was retarded but clearly the shopping bug is here too. Mind you, the prices for mini lights are REDICULOUS...Over $20 for a small string of lights...NOT!! There is even one hotel downtown that has had their Christmas tree up for almost a month already.

So as our first year winds down, we are looking back and thinking...'what a great move!'

If you are going to be down our way this winter, please let us know so we can show you our little piece of paradise and have a cervesa or three!

Cheers!

Good Times!

Time flies when you are having a good time!

Where to begin?

Our neighbours from Pennsylvania have been here twice. They had such a good time, they came back for another week! Unfortunately, they had to leave this morning.

We have had a few great dinner parties with friends. Great food and great friends and the odd hangover.

Our friends, Patty and Kelly (owners of the Jolly Roger Bar), took a short vacation and left the bar under the care and control of us....what a lot of hard work running a bar. We had some long days, but with the help of our friends, Bruce and Mary, the days passed quickly.

This past weekend, Patty and Kelly threw another one of their fast becoming famous parties. This was a theme party...Cross Dressing. Well, the women had it easy this time...we threw on some shorts, tank tops, and ball caps and we were ready to go. The men had a little more work involved. Ross went as a ballerina...If you really want to see the entire event, check out my facebook page and find the pictures.

I'm starting a job next week...morning breakfast cook at the Jolly Roger. It will give us a little extra pesos and me something to do. Living in paradise, not to mention having a good supply of cervesa and rum, costs pesos.

Well, fall is upon us here. The trees are shedding a few leaves and the grass is brown. The nights are starting to cool down to 25 C which is a welcome break. The swimming pool is cooling down as well. We are told we are entering the "rainy" season. The rain would be welcome at this point as things have started to dry out again.

Last night we had a really wicked thunder/lightening storm roll through at about 2:30 am. There was a crack of thunder so loud that we though someone shot a gun inside the house. Car alarms and house alarms everywhere were going off. The dogs were barking. Ross jumped out of bed screaming, "WTF!" Scared the crap out of us. The rain was coming down like cats and dogs.

I love a good thunderstorm!

So, now that fall is here, we are looking forward to having friends returning for the winter and lots more social occasions.

It's hard to believe that we have been here for 10 months already!

PS Chip has eaten another bedsheet and another plastic bowl. Said bowl contained an entire can of peanuts. On the upside, he now has his adult teeth so hopefully his chewing will start to slow down. We are going to get him a cocoanut for a chew toy.

Quadding

Chip...aka Devil Dog

On Aug 11, we took our first official quad trip with some friends, Patty and Kelly.

We headed out on the highway for about a half mile until we turned onto El Choco Road. This is the road closest to us that goes up into the mountains. Our first beverage stop was about half way to the Monkey Jungle. When we stopped, there was nothing but jungle, birds, and really, really loud tree frogs. No traffic, no people…we were one with nature.

We continued on because nature was calling to Patty so we made our way up the road (aka rocky path) to the Monkey Jungle. We took a short break for a beverage and a snack.

All I can say about the day, was absolutely fabulous scenery. Once we crossed the top of the mountain on the rocky path we were following, the view was absolutely amazing. Pristine jungle, no logging roads and messes made by industry. It was stunningly beautiful to see.

We encountered a couple of young Dominican men moving a herd of cattle/horses/goats. We had to stop by the side of the road. Brahma bulls are quite large when they are up close and personal with you. One was getting really, really up close and personal with a cow. I don’t think she was in the mood.

We were really sorry that we didn’t take our camera. It is a good thing we didn’t (I’ll explain in a bit). There were a few small villages that we encountered where the Dominican’s lived. One particular old gentleman was sitting in a beautiful old mahogany rocking chair on the front step of a typical Dominican home. He was grey and weathered but had a huge toothless smile and wave for us as we went past. He would have made an amazing picture.

At the same time we were really sorry we didn’t take our camera, I was glad we didn’t. Because we weren’t in the “tourist” areas, I didn’t want to offend anyone by taking pictures and disturbing anyone. We saw little boys and girls, naked as the day they were born, playing in the street. Everyone was smiling and waving at us.

We stopped at a small colmado (corner store type place) and grabbed another beverage. That is when we discovered the present that the herd of cattle left us. Can you say shit all over the quads, our legs and Kelly even found some on his helmet. More about the shit later.

We were invited into a small Dominican bar…there was music playing, people drinking cervesa and dancing. Because we were so far into the mountains, we weren’t sure how long it would take us to get out, we didn’t stop. I’m sure if we had, it (singing) would have been a party.

My butt is SO sore today. Ross built a seat out of lumber for me to sit on. I bounced on lumber for about six hours. I can’t sit down. My legs are stiff and sore but still am so glad we went.

Shit dries in the heat.

We finally made it back to the highway and ended up on the other side of Cabarete. The highway was such a god send because my butt was getting so sore. Patty and Kelly took us through the back side of west of Cabarete to a place on the beach where a river empties into the ocean. We rode the quads on the beach and on the sandbars. Get this: we found a place to have another beverage! The bar had a sand floor, dogs running around, music, food…it was awesome.

After the beverage, it was time to get going as the sun was getting low in the sky. Back over the sandbars in the river….Ross turned the quad into a seado. I saw the patch of dark water coming and before I could say what I was thinking…it happened. The water was about 2 ½ feet deep. Down we went into sand, sea water and muck. The seado stalled. I was absolutely soaked. My brand new running shoes with the cow shit were soaked and sandy. Patty and Kelly were laughing hysterically at the huge splash that we made. Kelly helped Ross get the quad running and out of the muck. Good thing we didn’t have the camera with us…would have been nice and wet!

We continued on our way to Perla Marina to visit with friends and have a beverage. After sunset, we finally headed home. Quadding on the highway in the dark is a little nerve racking but we made it in one piece. We got home at about 8:30 and I had a shower to remove the sand and remains of the cow shit from my legs. Didn’t take long and I was sleeping.

So, while we were gone, the dogs had a party. We came home to a huge mess. Chip discovered how to pull the table cloth off the table to get everything off to chew up. He broke a beer bottle, pulled stuffing out of the chair cushions that were piled on top of the table. He got the basket of clothes pins scattered all over the floor, chewed a bunch of them up too. So, we got to vacuum up glass and do a clean-up. Our guard must have heard the commotion because when we got home, he knew that the place was trashed! Must have heard the beer bottle break!!

It was an absolutely fabulous day. If you ever have the opportunity to travel to a foreign country, don’t stay exclusively in an all-inclusive hotel. Find a way to leave the resort and really experience the country. I am so moved by everything that I encountered yesterday and can’t wait to explore another part of the countryside.

I'm so bad!

June 10, 2011 is the last time I wrote??? Holy but I didn't realize that it was THAT long....

Chip is still a brat, albiet a much larger brat. He is now officially taller than Shelby.

Chip has eaten part of my wicker couch, four cushions for the kitchen chairs, an assortment of towels, one placemat, one pair of flip flops, a plastic bowl....

He is very, very sneaky...too smart for his own good! He constantly torments Shelby and Saleen. He mimicks everything Jack does. Today, Jack decided it would be a good idea to take a swim in the pool cause he was SO hot...so, Jack is swimming around the pool...Chip comes charging across the patio and jumps into the pool doing a spectacular belly flop...swims around a bit with Jack and climbs out on the stairs. Ross and I were in the pool at the time just watching in utter disbelief! One of the funniest things I have seen in quite some time!

Saleen had a close up and personal meeting with the neighbour's Rottie last week. Didn't think a dog could throw a cat that high in the air. Saleen didn't win this battle although I think the Rottie is sporting a few good scratches on it's nose. Saleen has been very, very slowly recovering from her injuries which included a couple of puncture wounds and a very sore back and hip joints. We've been giving her steriods to help the healing process, she's now eating again but we are still reluctant to let her venture outside yet as she can't jump and climb very well yet. Poor kitty!!

We had some bad news a few weeks ago. Ross's oldest daughter, Dianne, was on her way home from work in Kamloops, driving to Vernon, and was in a head on car crash. She was seriously injured and had to be air lifted from the crash site to the hospital in Kamloops. She suffered a number of broken bones that required surgery, the most serious being a shattered hip. She is sporting a number of stainless steel rods but as of July 30, she is now recovering at home.

So, as I write this note, we are closely watching Tropical Storm Emily approaching our island. We are preparing the house and yard, just in case. At this time, the storm looks like it will stay on the south side of the island, however, we decided to prepare to be on the safe side. If/when we do meet Emily, we will be sure to snap some pictures (only if safe to do so) and I will most certainly blog about the experience. Now, I like thunder and lightening storms (and boy do we get some gooders here!!!), however, a tropical storm will be a new experience for me.

We haven't had any visitors in a long, long time however our neighbours from the US were here for eight days. Had a fabulous time with them and are sure looking forward to their next trip to Sosua. Jack stayed with Richard and Tierra for the week they were here so they wouldn't be lonely...Jack had a great time on vacation...he didn't want to come home and was very depressed the day they left.

Ross recently committed a murder...can you say tarantula?? Not an itty bitty spider coming down the water spout...big creepy thing...Now, normally we don't kill these gentle, but creepy things, but we were quite concerned that the dogs might decide to play with it. He also took out a large black scorpion that was crawling across the patio. Didn't think they had scorpions here but apparently they do.

Our next crop of bananas is well on its way to being a bumper crop. We're hoping we don't get any really strong winds that take the trees down. My chinola (passion fruit) vines are growing like crazy. No blossoms yet. I have tomatoes growing in pots and the first flowers are starting to form. Pineapple plants are growing well to but they grow so very slowly. We've been feasting on the neighbour's avacados that their security guard throws over our fence for us. Usually they come at us like missles and land in the pool.

So, we have been here eight months now and boy has time passed quickly. We've settled into a routine. We are tolerating the heat. We spend lots of time in the swimming pool, we read lots and lots of books.

We absolutely love it here and at this point in time, just couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

As us that question again on Thursday morning...if we experience Tropical Storm Emily....