Saturday, December 16, 2017

Tis the Season

For the last few years, I haven't been real good about writing my "annual" Christmas letter.

You will note I said "Christmas" and not "holiday".

I saw a good Facebook thingy (is that even a word?) that talked about Christmas being a celebration and a holiday is something you take and go somewhere tropical or wherever.  Also, going on holiday means that you get a break from making beds and cooking.  Someone is paid to do that for you.

So, back to Christmas. 

We have a tree up, some garland, a few lights, a wreath on the door, and dog hair is settling on the tree for a nice fuzzy affect.  We've bought the required "Barceló Cream - Licor de Ron" which is lovingly added to my morning coffee.  Does it feel like Christmas?  A big NOPE here.  Why?  NO SNOW.  This is the one time of year that I really, really miss the snow.  Not the bitter cold or shoveling but the cliché "Winter Wonderland".  I dumped a part of a gallon of paint on the lawn when I was painting the fence but I don't think that counts.  However, if not for the cost of paint, which is getting stupid expensive, I seriously might consider getting out a roller and painting the lawn white.

Now, December 19, my sister con troop will be arriving from Canada - now, having family for Christmas (and she will be on holiday having someone make her bed and cook for her - and it's not me) will definitely improve my spirits regarding the Christmas season.  It's been almost eight years since I have seen my only sister - my liver will recover in time.  I've booked several Presidente trucks to swing by on the 20th.  Hope one trip will be enough!

I have been busy sewing doll clothes for my niece's doll.  Didn't clean the house for over a week as I was in production mode!  King Ross was starting to make a bit of a stink but I reminded him where the vacuum was kept.  That shut him up.  I haven't sewed in a really long time and forgot just how therapeutic it was.

Yesterday (Dec 15) was our 10th wedding anniversary.  Thing 3 (aka Hailey) went out of her way to cook us a lovely dinner and of course, wash every dish in the house that she dirtied.  My goodness but that child is becoming a very good cook - guess I didn't fail at everything in parenting!  Next week might find us making pyrogies.  All depends on those Presidente trucks.

Now, on to the year in review:

Weather was sunny, cloudy, rainy, sunny, cloudy, rainy, freaking hot, sunny, cloudy and rainy.  A couple of hurricanes thrown into the mix made for some excitement.

We made new friends, lost a few friends to illness and lost a few to whatever pissed them off.  I'm always sad when either of these things happen but it's something that can't be changed so you move on with life.  Each day of living is a true gift so make it the best it can be.

So, with my random thoughts, it is my sincere wish to everyone who reads my blog, to have a Merry Christmas or whatever you wish to call this season (depending on your religious or non-religious affiliation), and a Happy New Year.  All the best to you in 2018 and may you be blessed with health and happiness.

Cheers from the King Casa - Ross, Colleen, Hailey (aka Thing 3), Jack, Shelby, Boss, Ebony, Gaby, Titch and Xena.


Thursday, November 30, 2017

Seven Year Itch

We have now been living in the Dominican Republic for seven years. Well, the anniversary date is actually December 2 but close enough.

We have seven dogs. I hope this is only a coincidence because I refuse to continue to add to the pack.

What do I miss about living in Canada other than family? Not much but the following: Big Macs, Coffee Crisps, sunflower seeds, wine gums, the smell of fall, first snow fall, and a whole host of other things that I can’t think about right now. The coffee hasn’t completely kicked in yet.

I miss being able to go to one store and buy something knowing it will always be there.  For example, frozen peas.  Not rock hard pigeon peas, but sweet, green peas.  For anyone who knows me well, I do not eat soft green things but I will eat green peas.  In seven years, I have only found really good frozen peas twice.  Seriously.

Alberta Beef.

I also miss normal driving. Driving with rules of the road. I have always had road rage but driving here has taken it to a new level. Yes, there are traffic laws here but I always say they are “suggested” laws. Not many people actually follow the laws. Green lights do not necessarily mean it is safe to go through the light. One must always check and make sure no one is running the red. I now pass traffic on the right shoulder because that is acceptable here. A two lane highway can very easily be made into a four lane highway and no one really gives a rats ass about the possibility of a head on-collision because inevitably, someone will try and pass in this mayhem.


What don’t I miss? A few things come to mind but specifically shoveling snow.  Frozen boogers from shoveling said snow.

We drive an absolute piece of crap looking car. It used to be a good car but the last year has been interesting. We have had to replace the water pump, alternator, starter, and tires. Ross found this handy little hole in the wall place to get things fixed at a very reasonable rate. Love it when we go somewhere and upon return to the car, we have paint and body shop business cards stuck under the rusting windshield wipers. Ross is now demanding seat covers as the leather has now cracked and unless you are really careful getting in, you are going to need stitches for unauthorized surgery. You don’t want to have a fancy smanchy car here – cars are stupid expensive and you just never know what you are getting as most cars are imported with a host of hidden problems. And the nicer the car, the more likely it will look like a piece of crap from parking lots, four lane highways, livestock on the road, motos on the road and the sun.

Well, about a month ago, Thing 3 (Hailey) moved to live with us - she's having a gap year.  Gap from what?  We'll get that figured out. 

It has been interesting to be empty-nesters for seven years to suddenly having another being (or alien hormonal female) living in the house with us. Kind of like getting another dog except this one is completely house trained. Well, kind of. This one eats about eight times a day/night. This one likes to accumulate dirty dishes. This one has made me realize that floors aren’t just for dog hair. They are for clothing! I never knew that. I am still learning things at this stage of my life.

Thing 3 is starting to make friends. Well, mostly friends with my friends and that is perfectly ok. For anyone familiar with the lay of the land here, any young, attractive, white female is fair game for the local man population. Well, the man population can think whatever they want – this Mama Bear is on over protective drive! She has even had the garbage man’s crew of guys cat whistling and calling at her. We didn’t get our garbage picked up yesterday and I’m secretly wondering if it is because she wasn’t standing at the gate.

So seven year itch – the only thing itchy here are mosquito bites and seven dogs with dry skin.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

How I Lost Weight with Ross

Once upon a time, there was a bold, handsome King named Ross.

Ross ruled his castle with a firm but gentle hand.  He was particularly enamored with his kitchen wench and was it was smiles all around when the kitchen wench provided him with an assortment of tasty, sweet treats, hearty meat and potato dinners, cakes, pies and fresh baked breads.

King Ross with his love of sweets and rum began to experience a hearty barrel about his midsection; and that barrel of belly, grew and grew larger over the years.  The kitchen wench pointed out on numerous occasions that the barrel of belly was going to cause some serious health problems.

The kitchen wench finally threw up her hands one day, wiped the sweat from her brow, and put her calloused feet on the ground firmly and said to King Ross, “Your diabetes is out of control and you simply cannot continue to eat like this.”

Ok, fun fairy tale enough aside, my darling husband is on the road to recovery.  We’ve been working incredibly hard over the last few weeks and the fruits of our labours are beginning to show.  He’s losing weight, blood sugar is now within the normal, healthy range.  Meal planning is still a chore but it is starting to get easier.

Those of you that are close to Ross, ask him about his love of salads!  He’s got a few choice words about each lunch salad he is presented with.  The best thing about this new diet I have Ross on, is I am also losing weight.  I must admit, I miss my mass doses of carbs.  We are surviving on mostly protein, fruits and veggies.  For me, I can make a meal out of mashed potatoes and gravy (this is a food group).  I love rice, bread, and potatoes.  Cake.  Pie.

Ross is going to be a lean, mean……well, we’ll just leave it at that!

So, in other news, my Thing 3 has moved to the Dominican Republic to live with us.  She’s been here for three days now.  Boss is her personal body guard.  As I write this blog, Thing 3 is in the pool, Boss is in the house lying beside the door that goes down to the pool and whimpers.  As soon as Thing 3 is done with the pool floaty, he will be allowed to join her along with the rest of the pack and the noise and insanity of four dogs in the water will begin!


We went out for a lovely dinner last night to support a friend with her new CD Launch.  There was a good sized crowd there to show their support.  The organizers had a draw for six CDs as well as six meals from the restaurant.  Staff handed out the draw tickets to all the attendees.  When they began to call out numbers, excited winners were claiming their prizes.  My friend and I were anxiously looking at our tickets and she’s calling out her number to be drawn.  After about five draws, I looked at her and said, “You have the same number as I do!”  She looked at her ticket and mine, and lo and behold, the gentleman that was handing out tickets, did not put my half into the draw box but gave it to my friend instead. I thought this was quite funny.  Thing 3 called over a staff member and tried to explain what had happened so he very thoughtfully went and got another ticket for us.  But, in looking at he had done, we now had two sets of tickets, but neither of us had a ticket in the draw!


So, after the draws were complete, we went to our friend who was giving away the CDs and she began to laugh when we explained what had happened.  I thought it was really funny.  She was so very thoughtful and gave us both a CD for what had transpired. And, we got them signed so that when she becomes rich and famous, we can flog them on Ebay and get rich too!

Well, enough excitement for now.  Off for my sacred afternoon nap and then NASCAR!

Thursday, October 5, 2017


Jarabacoa

For the first time, we have taken a vacation on the island.  Last weekend, we travelled to Jarabacoa which is in the mountains of the center of the island.  Crazy roads driving through the mountains…hair pin curves climbing uphill and downhill. 

I almost thought I was in British Columbia.  Tall pine trees, cooler mountain air, white water rapids on the river…and then, a copse of pine trees with mango trees and palm trees!

We went with our good friends, Bruce and Mary.  We spent quality time enjoying beverages and golfing.  What an absolutely gorgeous golf course hidden in a really beautiful setting.  Very lush and green.  The quench wench drove around the golf course following us with a cooler on his scooter selling us ice cold, frosty Presidente.  The guy had everything for sale:  hats, beer, and food.  It really didn’t matter what we wanted, he would run and get it for us.

Let’s just say that I really, really suck at golfing.  And, that’s all I have to say about that.

We stayed at the Hotel Gran Jimenoa which was a very nice hotel right on the river.  So, if you have ever read my blog, you know I complain about the heat.  Well, we were in a hotel with air conditioning.  Yes, we turned the air conditioning on.  We left the air conditioning running at 18C.  We woke up at 4 am absolutely freezing.  My nose was cold.  I loved every minute of it.  Two heavenly nights of being cold and sleeping under blankets.  I think that was almost the best part of the vacation!

The hotel restaurant served good food.  Breakfast was the only meal that was so so.  The Dominicans really, really like mashed things for breakfast.  Mashed potatoes, mashed plantains, and mashed plaintains with mango and onions.  The plaintains with mango and onions was a lumpy grey/brown looking mass.  Ross was brave and tried it.  Can you say, “wall paper paste?”

This area of the island rarely sees gringo tourists and as a result, everyone speaks Spanish and very little or no English.  Good thing Bruce and Mary were with us as they both speak pretty good Spanish.  I didn’t realize how much Spanish I have learned as when we went for breakfast Monday am (no buffet), I had to order breakfast in Spanish.  I did pretty darn good because everything I ordered, we actually got what we thought we were going to get.  Can you say queso frito?  (Fried cheese is to die for!)

Ross ate beef both nights and enjoyed it.  I had chicken one night (very, very good cordon blue which they call “Gordon Blue”) and pork medallions in passion fruit the next night.  Both were fantastic.


The trip home was rather uneventful until we were approaching Moca.  The area around Moca and La Vega is a rich, agricultural area.  Large potato farms, corn farms and of course banana and plantain plantations.  We were almost at Moca when we came upon a truck hauling what we think was corn feed.  Now, when transport companies in Canada haul loads of feed, there are height restrictions, weight restrictions, proper ways of securing a load.  Well, not in the Dominican Republic.  This guys load was very slowly slipping sideways.  He would hit a bump and the load would shift some more.  This was an accident waiting to happen.  We knew this was rather unusual because as the guy drove through town, even the locals were watching, pointing and laughing.  We were scared to pass the guy because we knew that if that load finally went, the truck would roll and the highway would be blocked for hours.  We finally managed to get past him.  If there ever was a time for a cold beer, that was it so we found a Colmado on the side of the road, pulled up and the dear fellow working there sold us cold beer and we carried on our way.  (No cold beverages for the driver though!)

Ticks

This blog is from about three years ago.

I forgot to publish it.......


my bad......

I hate ticks.  We have been enduring an unbearable outbreak of ticks.  The hot, dry summer has been the perfect combination for these little pests to breed.  Our dogs have been banished to outside..tough life for a dog!  They have been sleeping in our basement bedroom which isn’t so bad because they have their own ensuite.  We are going through weekly baths and tick treatments.  Try bathing a 80 lb dog that hates water.  Jack and Shelby have cooperated extremely well but Boss has his own thoughts about having a bath.  Ross has to hold him with every ounce of strength he has while I give him the bath and treatment.

For the better part of three weeks, we have been fumigating and vacuuming up hundreds of these little blood suckers.  I am so sick of tick patrol but we think we have things finally under control.

For the first treatment (we didn’t really know what to do), we packed up all three dogs in the car.  Oh, how the boys love to go for a car ride.  I think they thought they were going to the beach for a run….Oh, I don’t think so…not on my watch anyway…horses, runners….not a friggin chance.  Anyway, we head off to Judy’s Pet Lodge for a bath and tick treatment.  Upon arrival, I take Jack first to the bath area only because he is quite cooperative.  In the tub Jack goes…Ross is still in the car with Boss and Shelby.  By the time I have started back to get the next dog, Ross is being dragged across the parking lot by Boss.  Now, when we arrived at Judy’s, I had left the back window open about a third of the way so they wouldn’t bake. 

Boss can climb out of partially opened car window.

There is a Dominican family living next to Judy’s who has a number of free range chickens. 

Boss really likes to chase chickens.

Ross almost had heart failure trying to catch Boss as he chased the chickens and scared the life out of the family that lives there.  Boss is a big baby but looks pretty intimidating.  Ross is yelling at the family to catch Boss’s leash (we learned from the beach experience that it is a good idea to leave the leashes on the dogs) and they are backing up from Boss not really giving a rat’s ass that he is scaring the chickens half to death. 

I think Ross was angry…..

Our dogs should have movies made about them…..

Pothole, Fire and Cement

It has been an interesting week at the King Casa so I thought I would share my experiences with my three followers of my blog.

The black cloud of doom hanging over our heads started on Saturday morning.  As everyone knows by now, I broke my right leg and have been unable to drive the car.  My husband has been dutifully driving me everywhere and so it was off to the bank at 9 am Saturday morning.

I hobble to the bank to take care of business.  I came out of the bank to see my husband and several Dominicans standing around the car with the hood up.  Ross is holding a small, plastic cup and at 9 am, they are't having a friendly Cuba Libre. We drive a piece of shit car so I know that they aren't admiring the horsepower of our fine racing machine.   Our car had been on fire!  Holy shit is all I can think.  Ok, I will admit my response was a little stronger than that.

This is what an alternator looks like after having caught on fire:



Ross drives the car home with a friend driving along with us in his car to ensure we make it home.

We get home at about 9:30 to discover that we had been robbed.  Some enterprising thief decided that it would be a good idea to pry the iron bars off our spare bedroom window and relieve us of some of our earthly possessions.  We discovered a missing television, hammer drill, Ross's Kindle, Wii, mini laptop computer, and Ipod.  It should be noted that the laptop, Wii, and Ipod were all broken so we kind of got a good laugh about that.



Through process of elimination, and a huge bump on the nose, we know which dog finally got the thieves out of the house.  Gaby saved the day!  We are pretty sure that they must have tried to fight her off by hitting her with a golf club.  She's absolutely fine but insists on checking the bedrooms everyday to make sure all is well.

The damage to the window was just about the most irritating part.  Now we have major repairs to make and with the help of recommendations and talking to people, we have workers!




Prior to having the welder arrive, Ross had to take a hammer and chisel and finish knocking off all the window frame.  Damn thieves couldn't even do that right!!

First we have to hire a welder to reinforce the two other vulnerable windows as well as put the iron bars back in the damaged window.  These men were amazing on how well they did the work and how quickly.  We were most suitably impressed.

Now for the cement repairs.  I must admit this was a bit of an entertaining show but the guys that did the work were very, very good too. I have a cement frame around the window again and it just needs to be painted in a few days after the cement cures and dries.



I started this event feeling absolutely violated (they even went through my underwear drawer!) and incredibly angry.  This didn't help change what happened so an attitude adjustment was required.  When anything crappy happens in my life, I always try to find a lesson to learn or something positive/humorous. 

This is what I learned:  We have great friends that offered emotional support.  We have great friends that went out of their way to help us find the proper people to do the work that was required to fix our house at a very reasonable price.  Everyone who helped us in anyway (large or small) knows who they are and we can't say thank you enough times.  That's what good friends do, they help each other in times of need.  Not all Dominicans are nasty thieves and that there are those that genuinely want to help you without looking at you as a wealthy gringo/gringa.  (We have met many lovely Dominicans and my statement is a general one that is in no way intended to insult the great, good people that live here.)

This is just another huge pothole in the day to day challenges of living here.  I guess the most important thing is that we are unharmed (maybe a little emotionally scared) and our dogs are all doing just fine.

The car will be dealt with in due course.

Onward......and upward......

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Inspiration, Hurricanes and a Broken Leg

I have made a new friend.  Her name is Meems.  While I believe that Meems is not her real or full name, she has inspired me to do something I have not done in a long time - blog. So, this morning, blog I will!  I might add that the inspiration from Meems came at 3:30 am this morning as we were chatting........

I checked out the date on my last blog entry and low and behold, it is almost two years since I blogged.  My bad.  I re-read some of my old blogs and there is a theme there - long periods between blogging.  I'm lazy and blogging makes me make my brain work.  Brain work lately seems to be a very tiring activity.

What has happened in two years?  What hasn't?!

Let's work backwards cause my long-term memory isn't what it used to be!  We'll work with three recent events.

Hurricane Maria is bearing down on us as I write.  I don't believe Maria is going to be all that bad but what the hell do I know?  Preparations include putting a few things away that could potentially be flying projectiles.  That's about it.  What do you really do when the wind is forecast to be 125 km an hour?  Duct tape the house to the ground?  Side note:  I love my generator!  Our beloved/hated Edenorte will most likely cut the power as they did with Irma.

Hurricane Irma left a swath of minor but annoying destruction in my already trashed yard. Irma blew its way in, knocked down trees, blew leaves everywhere especially into the pool from hell.  Holy windy!  Didn't enjoy that experience one little bit.  We went 42 hours without power but what really drove me insane?  NO internet for almost 12 hours.  How does one stay in contact with the outside world with no internet?  Might as well cut off my right broken leg!

Now, I should not make light of Category 5 hurricanes.  While we were just brushed by Irma, there were many on this paradise island that did not do so well.  Many lost their homes and belongings.  We lived in a concrete tent and were just fine.  Those that lost everything will struggle to rebuild.

This next story isn't even a good vodka story!

38 days ago (yes I am keeping track - I have scraped marks into the wall like one would in a prison cell), I broke my leg.  I am the queen of shuffling on a "walker lawn chair" and hobbler on crutches.  What a stupid ass thing to do.  I slipped and fell in the mud and wet grass.  I'm lying by the carport, rolling in the mud, hyperventilating and thinking, this can't be good.  I heard the crack.  But, I convinced myself that it was only a "bad sprain".  Finally, my loving husband looks out the door and says to me, "are you ok?  Do you need help?|  No dumb ass...I'm counting ants running towards me because I might be rotting meat.  WTH? Yes, I need help.  There was a lot of grunting and groaning (and not the good kind), but Ross did get me out of the mud and into the house.

Good friends came and picked me up at 9 pm some four hours after the incident to take me to the local hospital.  My loving husband would have taken me but with the pack of dogs, he would have never helped carry/walk me to the car without further injuries occurring to me and to him.  We would have had dogs in the ER and that would not have worked out well for the staff.

So, no matter what happens in life, I always try to find something positive and/or funny with every shitty thing that happens - here it is:  I'm in the x-ray room.  I've been filmed.  I'm waiting.  I look at the air conditioning unit in the room (I think it was -10 C in that room as I was shivering uncontrollably because I have been living in 35 C temps for so long) and that unit is being held up by a couple of 2x4s.  Now, I'm laughing.  X-ray is done.  God love cell phones.  The x-ray tech is now taking a picture of my x-ray.  Guess that's better than porn or a road side accident.  I know he's going to take it home to show all his friends what the dumbass gringa has done.  

Now, back to see the doctor who has arrived from consuming his dinner cause he's got bits of something stuck in one of his teeth.  I didn't think it was a good idea to point it out as it was rather late and I probably disturbed his fine dining of chicken, beans and rice.  Anyway, x-ray dude proudly shows him my x-ray and everyone surrounding me confers and declares that my leg is indeed broken.

The verdict:  immediate surgery or a cast for six weeks.  Decision made - cast for six weeks as dude, there is no way you are operating on my leg with food stuck in your teeth.  Dude I know you want to get back to your dinner and there is no way you are rushing through my rebuild!

My husband has taken on cooking, cleaning, yard work (including the dreaded picking up buckets of poop with minimal gagging...every day), laundry, assisting with shopping (Super Pola has the most awesome electric scooter/cart that I've tried to figure out how to steal without success...damn security guard keeps a close watch on me like he knows what I am planning), driving (have lost several years off my life as I am a control freak and hate to be in vehicles operated by anyone else) and most important, looking after the dogs.  While Ross is generally a very patient man, his patience has been tested.  The man can yell.  Not just raise his voice, he can yell really, really loud.  The dogs know it.  



Now with all this going on, just prior to the leg event, we ended up with a seventh dog. Funny how shit happens - karma decided to take a vacation and bring us another dog.

Friends were on a road trip by Cabrera.  In a condensed version, they found a five week old puppy on the side of the road eating her dead brother than had been run over by a car. They took the puppy home after a visit to the local vet.  Landlord sees puppy, says you go or puppy goes.  So, we ended up with a seventh dog that was a foster puppy.

Who the hell am I kidding - I am a failure.  I am a foster failure.  Xena is thriving and growing like a bad weed.  She's a Cocumut.  Smart little thing and this morning as I write, she has figured out how to jump up onto the dog ottoman.  There is officially no safe place for the big dogs to hide from her.  She was pretty proud of herself.

So, my loving husband has also been house training a puppy.



And how has the last two years of your life gone?  Anyone want a puppy?